Is it me? No...maybe? Yes?
I have no idea why I'm going into this, but I guess I feel like I need to get it out there seeing as how I really don't have many outlets to vent or talk to when needed. I'm pretty much alone when it comes to that. I know quality is greater than quantity. I get that, but lack of people to talk to and lean on sucks at times.
Now, before I get into my friendship history, let me say this, I'm not looking for sympathy or even to have people feel bad for me and come out of the woodwork. I'm simply talking (or should I say typing?) about this for 2 reasons. 1) For anyone else that is in the same boat to know they aren't alone and there is nothing wrong with them simply because their friend list is shorter than some people. 2) I like typing in my blog even if it's hard to tell due to lack of posts.
Over my 37 years on this Earth, I have gone through so many friendships. Some have been lost due to trust being broken, some because of betrayal, some just weren't meant to be and some simply because our lives grew apart over the years due to life changes. Some of those friends (the ones that we grew apart), we still are FB friends, so no ill will between us. Our lives just had changes that made staying close harder and both parties didn't put as much effort to stay in touch because of family, work, or just getting busier overall. 50% of that is on me. That's something I can admit that I'm terrible at. I don't go out of my way to keep in touch with people. Not because they don't matter or that I don't care about them or the friendship, but because I hate talking on the phone and I'm a home body. So, asking me to call someone to see how they are doing is like pulling teeth. I care! I really do care, but I would rather text, which for some people can be a pain in the ass when you have a lot to talk about or catch up on. This is where one would ask to get dinner or something to catch up, but I suck at doing that too...obviously. Now, friendships are a two-way street, so the other party can just as easily reach out, and when they don't...well the friendship fades. The next thing you know, that friend is fading into an acquaintance or maybe even completely dissolved from your life. If you haven't noticed yet, I'm kind of a pro already at this. *shrugs*
In my life right now, I have 1 remaining friend that has survived my slacking friendship lifestyle and I know she's a keeper because over the past 30 years of friendship we can always pick up where we left off no matter how long it has been since we last spoke. We're always there for each other for our kids' birthdays or other family/friend gatherings (both the happy and sad ones). We might not get together often beyond group gatherings, but that's okay. Our friendship works for us. It's a friendship I cherish and I know we'll grow old together. Other than her though, I have my husband and family. I don't have "friends" to talk to or lean on that are regulars in my life. I've grown to be okay with that, but it could also be because it's what I'm used to.
Now, don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean that I don't have friends in my life that we occasionally message just to see how each other are, but those messages are far and few between. Those friends are primarily my out of state/country buddies that are great to catch up with, but hanging out isn't an option, at least not without a plane ticket. Then I have co-workers that are pretty great, but I wouldn't consider them "friends". I mean, we don't hangout outside of work, we share some personal details, but not everything like one would with a close friend. If anything, they are more of another form of a family because we annoy the shit out of each other at times and other times we're having fun and laughing together.
I honestly couldn't tell you the last time I had a friends night out, which is okay to an extent because I don't mind being home, but sometimes I need that girlfriend time. I need someone to talk to or vent to that isn't a therapist. Not having girlfriends to do an occasional night out, or night in for that matter, can bum me out from time to time. I mean, I'm human after all. I guess some people might view me as a loser, but I don't consider myself to be that. I have gone to appreciate my quality over quantity. <3
Now, before I get into my friendship history, let me say this, I'm not looking for sympathy or even to have people feel bad for me and come out of the woodwork. I'm simply talking (or should I say typing?) about this for 2 reasons. 1) For anyone else that is in the same boat to know they aren't alone and there is nothing wrong with them simply because their friend list is shorter than some people. 2) I like typing in my blog even if it's hard to tell due to lack of posts.
Over my 37 years on this Earth, I have gone through so many friendships. Some have been lost due to trust being broken, some because of betrayal, some just weren't meant to be and some simply because our lives grew apart over the years due to life changes. Some of those friends (the ones that we grew apart), we still are FB friends, so no ill will between us. Our lives just had changes that made staying close harder and both parties didn't put as much effort to stay in touch because of family, work, or just getting busier overall. 50% of that is on me. That's something I can admit that I'm terrible at. I don't go out of my way to keep in touch with people. Not because they don't matter or that I don't care about them or the friendship, but because I hate talking on the phone and I'm a home body. So, asking me to call someone to see how they are doing is like pulling teeth. I care! I really do care, but I would rather text, which for some people can be a pain in the ass when you have a lot to talk about or catch up on. This is where one would ask to get dinner or something to catch up, but I suck at doing that too...obviously. Now, friendships are a two-way street, so the other party can just as easily reach out, and when they don't...well the friendship fades. The next thing you know, that friend is fading into an acquaintance or maybe even completely dissolved from your life. If you haven't noticed yet, I'm kind of a pro already at this. *shrugs*
In my life right now, I have 1 remaining friend that has survived my slacking friendship lifestyle and I know she's a keeper because over the past 30 years of friendship we can always pick up where we left off no matter how long it has been since we last spoke. We're always there for each other for our kids' birthdays or other family/friend gatherings (both the happy and sad ones). We might not get together often beyond group gatherings, but that's okay. Our friendship works for us. It's a friendship I cherish and I know we'll grow old together. Other than her though, I have my husband and family. I don't have "friends" to talk to or lean on that are regulars in my life. I've grown to be okay with that, but it could also be because it's what I'm used to.
Now, don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean that I don't have friends in my life that we occasionally message just to see how each other are, but those messages are far and few between. Those friends are primarily my out of state/country buddies that are great to catch up with, but hanging out isn't an option, at least not without a plane ticket. Then I have co-workers that are pretty great, but I wouldn't consider them "friends". I mean, we don't hangout outside of work, we share some personal details, but not everything like one would with a close friend. If anything, they are more of another form of a family because we annoy the shit out of each other at times and other times we're having fun and laughing together.
I honestly couldn't tell you the last time I had a friends night out, which is okay to an extent because I don't mind being home, but sometimes I need that girlfriend time. I need someone to talk to or vent to that isn't a therapist. Not having girlfriends to do an occasional night out, or night in for that matter, can bum me out from time to time. I mean, I'm human after all. I guess some people might view me as a loser, but I don't consider myself to be that. I have gone to appreciate my quality over quantity. <3
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