I'm Doing it! Making Changes! Sorta.
Since my last post, which I'm well aware was longer ago than it should have been, I have in fact started working out. Go me! I've been doing it for almost 2 months now. I've lost only 10 lbs, but I've lost inches as well, which is exciting. Granted the last 4 days I haven't worked out for a few reasons (yes, I know. Excuses, excuses!), but I'll be back to grind tomorrow starting a new workout routine that I hope kicks my ass.
I've slacked on my workouts the past few days because the first day I wasn't feel that well, so I felt it was more important to rest it up than push myself and risk feeling crappier. So, that day I consider I had a valid reason to have held off from my workout. The rest of these past few days were a bit less excused. As you all know, I deal with depression. Granted meds are helping me significantly, but that doesn't mean that I don't have off days. So, I think all these stresses I'm currently dealing with right now kicked my depression into overdrive and I really haven't had much happiness in the past few days, not to mention not much sleep. In fact, since my depressed feelings have peeked their unwanted heads back into my life, I've slept very little. So, the sadness, stresses, and lack of sleep have kept me from my workouts, even though I know working out would make me feel a little better. I still pushed it off.
With myself working on some of those stresses though and having plans in place to work on others, I'm finding that I'm feeling a little less down and a little less stressed. This has given me the boost to get back into the workout grind tomorrow and back into a more strict diet again because I've let myself slip a bit. Not fully to the point of messing up all my work. Nowhere near! Just these past few days because I'm a emotional eater and...well...I've been quite emotional.
While we're on the subject of making changes to ourselves, I want to touch on something else that I want to change about myself that I'm really struggling with. I'm someone who tends to lose my patience pretty quickly. I'm not talking about when you're stuck behind someone driving slower than the speed limit and you wanting them to learn where the gas pedal is. I'm talking about with my kids. I love them with all my heart, but when they push my buttons lately I'm finding that I go from 1 to 10 within minutes. I'm not okay with that! Like, not at all. Maybe some moms are okay with flying off the handle at their kids, I mean, they do know how to push our buttons the best, but I'm not okay with it. I want to work on talking sternly when needed instead of yelling. I shouldn't be like, "Can you please put your toys back in your room?" to "I said put your fucking toys in your room!". Yes, I'm ashamed to say I've swore at my kids. I'm someone who swears...a lot. Sometimes it comes out around my kids. It's not like I'm calling them the swear words or insulting them, but I have used swear words while yelling at them and I feel about this big when I have done it. Unfortunately, I don't always catch myself in time before it comes flying out of my mouth and THAT is where the problem lies. I shouldn't go from 1 to 10 so quickly that I can't control my mouth and I let profanity come out around my kids, even more so when it's in a situation that deals with them. I control it other times, but when I hit that height of angry or frustration, there go the 4-letter words that even television and radio censor.
Please tell me I'm not alone with doing this. Please let me know that there are other moms out there that swear like sailors and find that it slips more often than you would like, even towards your kids? If so, did you find something that helped you control it? What was it? I need any help I can get because the whole thinking before I speak thing doesn't work in all situations and this is something about myself that I want to fix as quickly as my diet/exercise regimen.
Now that I've bounced from one extreme update to a completely different extreme, I think I will bring yet another post to a close. Just know, I didn't just cover two completely different topics in this post. "Change" was the common topic and I'm sticking with that.
I've slacked on my workouts the past few days because the first day I wasn't feel that well, so I felt it was more important to rest it up than push myself and risk feeling crappier. So, that day I consider I had a valid reason to have held off from my workout. The rest of these past few days were a bit less excused. As you all know, I deal with depression. Granted meds are helping me significantly, but that doesn't mean that I don't have off days. So, I think all these stresses I'm currently dealing with right now kicked my depression into overdrive and I really haven't had much happiness in the past few days, not to mention not much sleep. In fact, since my depressed feelings have peeked their unwanted heads back into my life, I've slept very little. So, the sadness, stresses, and lack of sleep have kept me from my workouts, even though I know working out would make me feel a little better. I still pushed it off.
With myself working on some of those stresses though and having plans in place to work on others, I'm finding that I'm feeling a little less down and a little less stressed. This has given me the boost to get back into the workout grind tomorrow and back into a more strict diet again because I've let myself slip a bit. Not fully to the point of messing up all my work. Nowhere near! Just these past few days because I'm a emotional eater and...well...I've been quite emotional.
While we're on the subject of making changes to ourselves, I want to touch on something else that I want to change about myself that I'm really struggling with. I'm someone who tends to lose my patience pretty quickly. I'm not talking about when you're stuck behind someone driving slower than the speed limit and you wanting them to learn where the gas pedal is. I'm talking about with my kids. I love them with all my heart, but when they push my buttons lately I'm finding that I go from 1 to 10 within minutes. I'm not okay with that! Like, not at all. Maybe some moms are okay with flying off the handle at their kids, I mean, they do know how to push our buttons the best, but I'm not okay with it. I want to work on talking sternly when needed instead of yelling. I shouldn't be like, "Can you please put your toys back in your room?" to "I said put your fucking toys in your room!". Yes, I'm ashamed to say I've swore at my kids. I'm someone who swears...a lot. Sometimes it comes out around my kids. It's not like I'm calling them the swear words or insulting them, but I have used swear words while yelling at them and I feel about this big when I have done it. Unfortunately, I don't always catch myself in time before it comes flying out of my mouth and THAT is where the problem lies. I shouldn't go from 1 to 10 so quickly that I can't control my mouth and I let profanity come out around my kids, even more so when it's in a situation that deals with them. I control it other times, but when I hit that height of angry or frustration, there go the 4-letter words that even television and radio censor.
Please tell me I'm not alone with doing this. Please let me know that there are other moms out there that swear like sailors and find that it slips more often than you would like, even towards your kids? If so, did you find something that helped you control it? What was it? I need any help I can get because the whole thinking before I speak thing doesn't work in all situations and this is something about myself that I want to fix as quickly as my diet/exercise regimen.
Now that I've bounced from one extreme update to a completely different extreme, I think I will bring yet another post to a close. Just know, I didn't just cover two completely different topics in this post. "Change" was the common topic and I'm sticking with that.
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